By Kristi Banker, Dramaturgy Intern

In Victorian England, good behavior was of the utmost importance. This behavior was guided by strict rules of etiquette that delineated even the slightest of daily actions and established a system in which everyone knew his or her place. Ever-watchful members of upper class society, particularly concerned that their ranks present an undisturbed picture of prosperity, would judge swiftly and severely according to these rules.

In a sense, the rules of etiquette formed a sort of survival guide. Those who lived by the rules were hailed as true ladies and gentlemen (the ideal figures in Victorian society), rising to prominence in the world of endless calls and elaborate dinner parties. On the other hand, anyone caught breaking form could be snubbed and even shunned, banished forever from society. Knowing the rules was therefore vital.

There were many rules to learn, many subtleties to be mastered only with experience. Gloves must be removed only in certain circumstances, guests proceeded to dinner in a very particular order, and the details grew still more intricate from there. Basic principles were somewhat easier to grasp, requiring only a sense of courteous awareness. Indeed, etiquette revolved largely around a sense of consideration for others (to behave with virtue was to respect the modesty of others; to dress well was to be pleasing to passersby; to serve fine food was to honor guests, and so on).

True ladies and gentlemen were ever-attentive to others, pleased to aid guests and acquaintances. They spoke without raising their voices or touching on illicit subjects; indeed, the best ladies and gentlemen were champions of delightful conversation. These distinguished men and women would never lord their own positions over others and dealt generously with people of all ranks. The perfect lady set at ease any uncertain guest, while the model gentleman never dared violate a lady’s virtue by speaking too familiarly. Their morality was authentic, their kindness undeniable.

Of course, not everyone could be so flawless (if anyone was, at all), but Victorians aspiring to these ideals could refer to a wealth of guides and manuals on the subject, to help them become (and remain) respectable members of society.

Excerpts from Victorian etiquette manuals of the period:

“The word etiquette is too narrow for all it embraces; it must be viewed in a double light, and be taken from a moral point as well as from a conventional one. A kindly nature, and an unselfish spirit are never wanting in true politeness, but the conventionalities of society give the finish and completeness to the whole, the colour, as it were, to the picture.”

—Anonymous, Manners and Rules of Good Society, or, Solecisms to be Avoided, 1888

“Careless work is unworthy of every man and woman. If dancing is to be indulged in, like all else in this world, it ought to be thoroughly well done to the full extent of the ability of each person who enjoys this delightful amusement, otherwise it becomes an offense against the accepted canons of good taste.”

—Lady Constance Howard, Etiquette: What to Do, and How to Do It, 1885

“Perfect politeness requires presence of mind, a quick sense of propriety, and an ability to form an instantaneous judgment of what is fittest to be said and done on every occasion as it offers.”

—Lady Colin Campbell, Etiquette of Good Society, 1893

“To know how to dress is important, and to be able to go through the routine of society without awkwardness is next in importance.”

—Mrs. Humphry, Etiquette for Every Day, 1904