JOYFUL FACTS AND TALES OF CHRISTMAS

The following tidbits and accounts of the season’s joyous cheer have been taken from David Comfort’s Just Say Noel!:

Notable Events:

1911, New York: On another Christmas Eve, Alderman Frank J. Dotzler, 375-pound member of the East Side Fat Man’s Club, got stuck on a ladder inside a chimney when playing Santa for local kids. The chimney had to be demolished to release Dotzler.

In 1986, at Gimbel’s in New York, a young man told Santa Sam Cordona, “I want a girl.” To which Cordona said, “What do you want a girl for?” The young man’s reply: “Santa, you know why.”

In 1986, at a shopping mall in Philadelphia, an exhausted Santa and his elf tried to punch out early. When tots and parents still waiting in line protested angrily, the elf reportedly “made an obscene gesture,” a melee broke out, and police had to restore order.

Christmas Quotes

“Santa is a sex symbol to some women … especially those who have had a drink or two at parties.”
—Ralph Gertz, sixty-one, a veteran Cleveland Santa, to Playboy magazine

Santa Sauna Suit: “It’s hot enough inside there to grill a cheese sandwich,”
reports Macy’s Santa Matthew Cariton, who lost ten pounds one season.

“My Lord!
I have not yet received the cigars and don’t need your gifts. When I get them I’ll throw them down the toilet…
Three days ago I was at a Christmas party for the insane, held in a violent ward. Too bad you weren’t there.
Since the New Year will soon be with us, may I wish your family a happy New Year and all the best—as for you, may you see Beelzebub in your dreams!
The money has been given to the French girl, the one you like so much, in payment for your immoral conduct with her…
All the best, sir. Is everyone well, my good man?
Your, sir,
A. Chekhov [A letter to his brother-in-law, 1895]

“Santa Speak”

“Santa Sacroiliac” Lower lumbar condition caused by repeated kiddie lifting.

“Nick Fit” What happens to an unspelled Claus too long without a Camel.

“PMS” Post-Merriness Syndrome suffered by many Santas.

“Profile of the Average Rental Santa” (original source listed as Homart Mall Santa Survey, 1992)

Height: 6’
Weight: 220 pounds
Waist: 39 ½”
Age: 44
Education: 63 percent have college degrees
Children: 3.2
Languages: 21 percent are multilingual; 29 percent use sign

“The Santa Stats” (original sources listed as The New Yorks Times and The Wall Street Journal):

Percentage of American children between three and ten years old who believe in Santa: 87 percent.

Percentage of American households that leave milk and cookies out for him: 10 percent.

Percentage of American child psychologists who advise parents of preschool children to “confirm Santa’s existence”: 40 percent

Percentage of French adults who support belief in Santa Claus because he gives their children “a chance to dream”: 84 percent.

Percentage of French adults who think “it is totally idiotic to make a child believe in someone that does not exist”: 12 percent (undecided: 4 percent)

 

 

A selection of the more sinister sorts of “Santa’s Helpers,” taken from Robert C. Hoffman’s Postcards from Santa Claus (2002). (“Krampus” almost sounds like “Crumpet.” Ye-esss?)

“What would Santa do without his band of little helpers? Magical elves assist Santa all year long in the North Pole workshop, creating toys and keeping track of the good little girls and boys. In some countries, however, Santa’s legendary helpers are not always pleasant, cheerful sprites.

Knecht Ruprecht
In germany, this famous gnome, whose name in English is Servant Rupert, helps make and distribute gifts. He also keeps track of children who are naughty and nice.

Krampus
Although he is considered a Christmas helper in Austria, this wild-eyed, frightening spirit is more of a boogeyman. He spends cold winter nights searching for naughty children to punish.

Nisse
This Norwegian gnome assists Santa in making presents for good girls and boys. He also keeps track of those who are naughty and nice.

Père Fouettard
In France, this spirit, translated as Father Spanker, is completely different from the kind and generous Père Noël. He is in charge of all naughty children, and punishes them with spankings.
Tontut. This elf-like gnome from Finland helps Santa prepare and distribute toys.

Zwarte Piet
Translated as Black Pete, in Holland, this Moorish helper of Sinter Klaas keeps track of children’s behavior. According to legend, Zwarte Piet rewards good children by filling their wooden shoes with sweet treats. He also punishes those who have been naughty by carrying them off in a sack and dumping them in Spain.”

 

 

Taken from the Santa School website (and, according to the site, originally established by a department store, Donovan and Shields, in 1932), here are ten rules for any prospective Santa Claus:

  1. Bodily hygiene is to be scrupulous. Special attention should be paid to the cleanliness of undergarments and socks.

  2. Ditto oral hygiene. Please ask Santas to refrain from eating strong - smelling foods such as garlic. Chewing tobacco is to be discouraged.

  3.  Fingernails are to be kept short and clean. Outgrowths of nasal hair will not be tolerated.

  4. Santas must ensure that tunics, boots, beards and wigs are to be kept clean. An over night laundry service will be provided.

  5. Please ensure that correctly fitting uniforms are issued and that all tears, lost buttons, etc., are promptly repaired.

  6. Under no circumstances may intoxicating beverages be consumed on the premises or prior to Santas taking up their duties. The penalty shall be immediate dismissal.

  7.  Santas may not congregate in uniform by the Staff entrance when off – duty or smoke cigarettes or cigars when off – duty and in view of the passing public. They must use the Staff rest area for such purposes.

  8. No gratuities may be accepted from parents.

  9. Santas shall adopt an appropriate tone of voice and demeanor when addressing children. They shall not use low, slang expressions. Nor shall they on pain of instant dismissal, abuse either verbally or physically any child or guardian.

  10. Should an emergency occur, such as a child losing control or being sick over a Santa, then a relief will assume his duties without delay. Will you please ensure that adequate Santa relief is available at all times.

The website notes that these rules were originally. Santa School (www.santaschool.com) also offers further rules for today’s enterprising Claus, including, “Santa should keep his hands in plain view at all times. Put one hand around the child's shoulder, and your other hand on your thigh with the fingers fanned inward. It looks better and makes for a better photo” and “Don’t hang around after an event socializing. Like the Lone Ranger, your work is done till next time.”

Remember that, all ye Santas-to-be.

 

 

Daniel Pool, in Christmas in New York (1997), discusses the commercial holiday tradition that is Macy’s:

“Macy’s has been a Christmas stalwart for years. It was open Christmas Eve til midnight back in 1867; began selling toys in 1869; provided same-day delivery for Christmas Eve beginning in the 1880s with its fleet of horses and wagons; and introduced Christmas gift certificates in 1906. When the store was still located at 14th Street and Sixth Avenue, the ground floor of Macy’s would be cleared out around December 15 and devoted entirely to toys, one year including a mechanical singing bird from Europe that drew repeated visits from Mr. Macy’s pal P.T. Barnum."